IRL for Introverts: Hacking Face-to-Face Networking and Events

Welcome to the Future is Freelance podcast for solopreneurs, digital nomads, slowmads, consultants, remote workers, e-residents and people living a life without traditional boundaries. We're here for everyone who defies categorization and makes a living in a life their own way. Every other Freelance Friday, we're serving up an audio cocktail of expert tips, inspired insights and stories from the frontiers of freelancing To help you achieve success with your borderless business, whatever success means to you as you live life on your own terms. Thanks for listening to the Future is Freelance and for being part of the Future of Work Revolution. Well, hello, future is Freelance. Listeners, it's me again coming at you, yet another weekly gap after the previous episode. Having said, i intended to carry on this show on a fortnightly basis. I then found out that I was really inserting so many weekly episodes as bonuses, which corresponded to various events I've been attending, and it occurs to me that it might be sensible to continue in that vein, alternating our usual interview episodes, which will most definitely continue, with more short, focused, perhaps individual musings from myself, in a way that I hope will be helpful to listeners as you reflect on your own journey as a Freelancer or solopreneur. Now, a lot of these solo episodes recently have been about events I've attended, because these tend to cluster around this time of year, and yes, i am just back from yet another one. I was in Madrid last week at South Summit, a little bit closer to home than usual, didn't involve a flight to another country, and I did want to share some of my reflections from that with you, but I thought it would be more useful, actually from a content point of view, to generalize some of the things that I've been thinking about attending events in general in the last few months, of which I've done quite a few, and create a more valuable content episode for those of us who think of ourselves as introverted. Now, i know that this does not apply to every Freelancer, so please bear with me. If you consider yourself very far from introversion and you love going to events, you're energized by being around other people Fantastic, i'm happy for you. I hope you will still find this episode useful in terms of simply making the most of face-to-face events, because we're Freelancers, right, we're used to working alone in many cases, and when we do go along to events like this, it's expensive, it costs us in time away from our normal freelance activities, for which we have no substitute or temp that we can bring into cover for us and usually simply attending and traveling to events costs us directly as well but there are ways to offset that with the value we gain from it as a professional activity, of course, which is the idea, but I think it's really important for all of us solopreneurs to remember to maximize the impact and benefit of going along to face-to-face events, now that they're happening more and more often and it's great that they're back. During the COVID years, we got used to networking online, but I do believe there's something very fundamental about being in the presence of other people, however much you might find that that drains you from a physical or emotional point of view, you simply learn more and connect more in a different way when you're in that face-to-face situation, particularly when it comes to a group energy that you can really gain something from and you can be exposed to new ideas and connections that you simply wouldn't seek out in the online world because of the intentionality that that requires. I also firmly believe, from the point of view of my own brand, my business, that I need to be more visible these days. I think it was easy a few years ago, as a writer, to be quite hidden. I wasn't podcasting, i wasn't going to as many face-to-face events, i could just be that person in the background. But now our own personal point of view, our personality. I know the term personal branding can be a little bit icky, but it's more and more important in this world, where various aspects of content creation can be automated, to put your humanity and your heart and soul into what you offer to the world. I mean many cases that means showing your face. So we need to show up, even if we regard ourselves as highly introverted. So before we dive into the tips I wanted to share with you today, let's just unpack introversion a tiny bit, because it isn't always well understood. Introversion is nothing to do with shyness or social anxiety, though it may coexist alongside those things. People who score highly on introversion metrics are simply those who find it draining being around other people, and introverts gain energy in the quiet times, in spending time alone. That doesn't mean that introverts can't spend time around other people, but it has a cost, an energy cost, an attention cost, whereas other people, who are more extroverted, gain energy from other people. It's nothing to do with an act of generosity or extraction. It's simply the way that your character works. You either find it exhausting to be around other people, even if you love it, or you find that that actually builds you up and offers you energy which you can then spend on other things. We can't control exactly what type we are. You can score highly on both. There are people who are ambivalent it who are not necessarily in the middle, but have aspects of both in their character. And the important thing I wanted to point out is that, however extroverted or introverted you are, you can act against that type. Okay. It doesn't mean that you have to say, right, i'm introverted so I don't go to these things, or I'm extroverted so I have to be around other people to do my best work. All of these things are useful self knowledge and self awareness but don't let it define you. You can act against type. You can Gage in any behavior that you want to make so for yourself and your business, and sometimes it's well worth stepping out of your comfort zone in order to do so. And for me, going to big, face to face networking events is definitely outside my comfort zone. It always has been. I don't tend to talk about health stuff on this podcast, but in addition to the introversion I also. I have various health conditions which cause unpredictable levels of pain and fatigue, which are also very difficult to forecast into the future when you're thinking about this event that's happening in a few months time. And the other thing that I find really affects me at face to face events is that I have a high degree of face blindness procepagnosia. The reason I know this stuff about myself is that I studied psychology in a business school years ago, so with lots of experiments on each other and Somebody thought that they'd actually produced a broken tool or I broke it when they measured my ability to recognize faces, i find it really really difficult, even in people I've met more than once, if I put them in a different context or something's changed about their appearance, if I find it very difficult to remember them and where I've known them before, which obviously makes you come across as Potentially socially very ignorant. And all of that just adds to the cognitive load of being around other people. And for me it was so much easier when we networked in a flat screen a little boxes with everybody's name underneath their heads. But that's not how it works in real life and you have to be a bit careful trying to stare at ID cards as well. The print on them seems to get smaller every year. Maybe that's why I've chosen to work remotely from home for many, many years, but I do love connecting with other people. I might be introverted, but I love my crowd, especially the remote freelance tech people that I'm privileged to work with and call my peers and my community. So When I do get the opportunity to go and see and be around these people, i really want to do so. But I have to be aware of the impact of my introversion and the same might apply to you Simply being aware that there's a cost involved. I'm not talking about the freelancer expense of there isn't a client paying for you to go to these things But there's an energetic cost and there's a time cost, and that can be significant Because it's introverts. We draw our energy from solitude and introspection. Simply being around large, bustling events can be overwhelming and draining, so we have to weigh that up against the fantastic opportunities they represent to meet new people and to learn new things, to grow professionally. So, in order to make the most of this opportunity, i believe a lot of it for me is about intention and preparation If I'm deciding whether to go to an event. Try not to get distracted by. Is it in a place I want to visit, a city I've never been to? Am I being flattered by being invited to speak? try and step back from that and really first think about it. Is this great use of my time? Could that time be better spent? are there other events in the calendar I'm undecided about? It's great to say yes to things, but sometimes you just need to pause for a moment first. The other way that you need to think about this intentionally is what do you want to gain from this event? How do you, how are you going to measure it? What will a great outcome be? when you think about the end of the event and you're going home, what will that look and feel like if you've had a really successful time and you're really glad that you came? Maybe that's about connections and meeting new people. Maybe it's about directly finding work. There's an organization there I really, really want to work with and I want to go and meet them in person, shake their hands. It might be about seeing people that you already work with or collaborate with or associate with in different ways, who you simply don't run across face to face very often. This might be the perfect opportunity to hang out with them all in one place, and that in itself has incredible value in the remote freelance world. The other aspect of building relationships when you're planning ahead, of course, is what are you going to give? How do you want to show up at this event? What do you want to bring to the table? What can you share? How do you want other people to see you? All of this is about that intention and preparation phase, because if you prepare ahead, particularly looking at the schedule, that will help you manage your energy in the moment. Conference schedules these days are often really jam-packed. There's a sense and I think it might be a post-COVID thing of let's jam everything in. It's not a conference anymore, it's a festival, it's a multi-day, week-long event. They deliberately cultivate a sense of FOMO with multiple tracks so you couldn't attend everything if you wanted to. I'd like you to see that cultivated FOMO as an excuse to say to yourself okay, i couldn't possibly be in every session, so I'm really going to prioritize and I'm going to use that fact that also a lot of these sessions are recorded. You can catch them afterwards quite often. I'm going to be really intentional and really prioritize how I'm going to spend my time, how I'm going to spend my energy. I'm going to give myself permission to take breaks and seek out quiet spaces. Maybe you have some work that you can take with you, and certainly in remote work conversations, in tech conferences, they'll always be somewhere that you can open your laptop, sit down, jam in some headphones and just disconnect for a little while. You might actually want to make some notes or catch up with some stuff you need to deal with. All of these things can help you manage your energy. Simply sticking in headphones and going for a walk, being in that zone with a podcast like this one Or other podcasts are available, but it can take you into that space where you're not in that crowded room anymore, and that can help you to recharge. So when you look at that event program, i think it's really important. What I do is I go through it and I think, all right, i really want to catch that session. I really want to make time for networking after that session because on that panel I definitely want to connect with Later on. At that point I could go for a walk outside or I could return to my accommodation. How will i build in this this time to recharge and reconnect, and how will i make sure i have time for the kind of quality connections that i want to cultivate? for example, other people's idea of fun isn't necessarily yours. You will not see me out on the early morning runs, at any event, which seem to become a thing of conference programs recently, and only morning hike? yes, possibly, and the only reason i'll be able to attend that is i probably didn't go to the the loud, late networking drinks the night before, because for me, going for a wild night out is something i want to do with friends and people i already want to know. I can't stand networking in a Noisy music venue and shouting in people's ears. You know i want to do my networking on the conference floor and then spend my evenings building deeper, more one to one relationships over a meal or something that you'll never find me at the music venue party thing. So you need to have a really good look at that program before you go and think about how you're going to flip that phomo into jomo. Pick out the gems of the things you really want to attend And feel good about skipping the things which don't work for you. They don't offer you what you're there to gain from and they might fit somebody else's idea of fun. For me, definitely, making time before an event and after it is really important, so you need to factor all of this into your budget when it comes to your time and your travel. Often, if you're traveling to another city, to another country, the expensive bit is actually the flight and, provided you're a little bit flexible about your accommodation options, the conference hotel is usually the least affordable option, even if they have some deal, you know. Have a look at what apartments might be available just a few more minutes walk away, which can offer you a chance to stay somewhere a little bit more individual and quirky often, which can be fun, but it can also make it much more affordable to add a day or two on either end. So if you have a long journey, you have a late flight, you can have a day resting in your accommodation, taking a little bit of time to explore a new city Or travel a little bit outside of the area afterwards. These things can give you the emotional and physical recharge you need to really make the most Of that event itself and also to explore any side or fringe events which have grown up around the main conference session. So all of these things you can do in advance. You know they're usually conference programs published well ahead. They're often electronic. You need to go through and decide what you're going to get out of this investment in your professional business. So that's the event itself. Let's take this right down to the one, to one level now the big introverts nightmare of actually networking in the room and striking up a conversation with someone new. I know that I struggle with this and this isn't just introversion, this is the whole face blindness thing and just opening conversations can be difficult. So what I try to really remind myself is that that's why everybody's there. Okay, we're all there to meet new people. Obviously we're there to see people. We're already known to learn new stuff. But there probably isn't another person in that room who hasn't come to the conference with the goal, whether they're conscious of it or not, of building new connections. So you're helping them. If you're the first one to open your mouth, to remark on anything, try to find some sense of connection, some little point, even the fact that they were in the room with you for the last session. What did you think of the panel? I thought it was particularly interesting. When Have you had much chance to explore the city? You see them reaching for a can of pay is is that the vegetarian sandwich? that might be a point of view, or a literal view out of the windows, and that amazing try to find something you can share about and remember again, preparation. There might be people there that you really want to connect with because of something outside of the event, and while it's wonderful if somebody comes up to you and strikes up a conversation over the buffet, imagine the impact on you personally if someone came up and said hello, i really loved your article about whatever and shows that they actually came there to meet you and talk to you about something unrelated to the conference itself could be an incredibly powerful way to introduce yourself to somebody that you're there to connect with. You have all the shared context of being at the same event, but if you demonstrate to them that you're aware of their work and what they're offering to the world outside of that event, that's incredibly powerful and I think it can really help you extend that relationship and connection out the other side of the event itself. So that's my. My big advice to introverts is remember other people might be more comfortable than you being in this crowd of strangers, but everybody's there to meet someone new, so Don't feel awkward about starting it off. And if you're there with limited time and energy, then sometimes you really need to take the lead and you can't just hang back and wait for other people to initiate a conversation with you. Try to imagine they're more socially anxious than you are and you're doing them a huge favor by offering that opening. And while you're in the conversation, just remember all the things that make you, as an introvert, a potentially great listener. Again, these aren't necessarily correlates, but quite often the to go hand in hand And you can be the person who is quiet, who listens, who prompts, rather than being there just to pitch your stuff or to jump in with what you do. If you wait to be asked, then that conversation will flow At the same time. You can be in my case. I'll be really trying to fix their name and appearance in my mind for later, especially if they don't look anything like their profile picture, which is a very unfair trick. Lots of people pull at these events Oh, that's so and so right. That's nothing like what I thought they were going to look like, or there might be something very distinctive about them, that they're really tall, or you know these things that you just don't pick up on a webcam. All of this stuff I'm remembering and, if it's someone for the first time, trying to pin their name in my head while at the same time being actively listening And responding and genuinely interested in what they do, why they're there, what their opinions are because that's what Making a connection is all about at the same time, obviously you want them to remember you, so I would be careful to not only ask questions but respond intelligently, be striking, be memorable, be quirky, but be yourself. You know, don't try it if you're desperately anxious about how you're going to come across. Fall back on authenticity. There really is nothing better. Remember that you can use that conference pre prep time in order to find out something a little bit about that person if you want to share a connection and talk to them, and you can also use it to follow up. Now, one of the things that we all enjoyed during the covert time was the way that events moved online and actually the apps and the digital programs got better. Now, a lot of the events that we go to are essentially hybrid in nature because they tend to have a strong networking app that goes with them, as well as live streaming or video recording of the sessions. So the fact that you've invested that time in the conference, i think you can really leverage that. You can use the digital environment of the event, however much a part of it is in the moment or not. You can use it in advance. You can also use it afterwards in advance. What i tend to do, if there's somebody i really want to talk, to connect with, especially if there is a speaker, is make sure i have their twitter tag And that i can tag them in things as i'm going along. And again, it's it's part of that multitasking which is often easy to forget in the moment. But just firing off a tweet of a speaker With a photo a flattering photo, but actually commenting, adding value and extending what they're talking about can be so useful and it gives you a hook then If you want to follow up with them later. I really enjoyed your thoughts about x. Have you considered why would you be interested in commissioning An extended feature about that? all of these things can be an important part of extending the value of that conference to you, even if you don't get a chance to speak to the person that you want, to the fact that you were at the event together. You are both in the same program. That gives you an in if you like to connect with them on linkedin. Really sorry didn't get the opportunity to speak with you At the conference, but i really wanted to connect with you over Whatever and then you can use that. You can do that in your day or two after the conference. If you've extended your stay in your airbnb So you're not traveling back immediately, you can have some time to experience the city where you are away from the madness of the expo itself. But you can also use that time to go through the program. Make sure that you've noted all your next actions and follow ups with the key people that you were there to meet. Make sure that you've made notes of any content you want to create off the back of the conference, if that is your game, as it is mine. Make sure that you've made notes for a podcast you want to record when you get back to your peaceful home office studio, instead of attempting to capture audio in the craziness of a conference, because for me That really doesn't work. But above all, this is all part of the buffer zones that you can build in the ep and flow that you're probably very used to managing in your day to day work environment, whether that's at a co-working or at home or traveling. You know your energy. You know when you do your best creative work in the morning or you need to have that peaceful time Later in the afternoon for your deep work or whatever. You know those rhythms and it's often very hard to translate those to a public event. So what you can do immediately following the event is to ease back into that rhythm, take the learning and the connections and the value you gained from the face to face event And then think about how you're going to blend that into your workflow and your tasks for the time to come, whether that stuff you can do immediately or whether you want to go home and think about it all and then Start creating starts, energizing for everything that you gain from that face to face time. Because if you're like me you're an introverted, remote, mostly home working person but you love travel and going to events and speaking to and being around other people You can blend the two and everything that we talk about here really at the future is freelancers about creating the blend that works for you, whether that's a blend of activities, interests, niches or different locations. Whether you want to be a digital nomad or whether you want to be a remote home worker, whether you want to use different third spaces to bring out different creative energies for you. We have that choice and that is the most amazing thing about the way that we can choose to live and work today. In order to really maximize the benefit of that choice, however, i do believe we owe ourselves a little bit of intentionality, a little bit of conscious decision about how we're going to use that choice. Don't simply just stay at home because you're not in lockdown anymore. You know you can travel. You can decide that you're going to invest some of your time in deliberately networking with other people. You can decide you're going to go to meetups in your own hometown if you you just want to start somewhere small, you know. Get out the door, build your comfort zone, extend yourself. The magic happens when you get outside of that comfort zone. It's a cliche, but it's definitely true, and you can often find that even if, like me, you're really intentional about what you want to gain from events like this. Frequently, it's the things you didn't expect which are the best outcomes. The serendipity, the person you meet that you last saw 10 years ago, but now you have the potential for a fantastic collaboration. The person you meet for the first time you didn't know existed, who's working in the same place, the thing that leads on to a new professional partnership or a new personal friendship. Really, the possibilities are endless and you won't know until you step out the door Whether that's to get on a plane or get a bus to your local meetup event and actually see people face to face. So in enjoy and celebrate your introversion, use it, leverage it and you can do it Work done in your private home office setting if that's where you're happiest, but I strongly urge you to make the most of face to face as well, to use that choice to get out into the world and see what it has to offer you, to blend the very best of the digital space and the face to face environment, and to truly create the life, work and adventure that you deserve, because That's what it's all about. I really hope you've found these reflections on my face-to-face adventures useful in your own freelancing, networking life, and I would love to know what you think about this episode and all of our episodes. So please don't forget to drop me a line, send a voice note via the website, leave a review on your favorite podcasting app, tweet me at my middle miss or whatever. It's the easiest response mechanism for you, because we have so many ways to keep in touch now in our highly interconnected world, even when we just use the digital world. So I'll be back next week with another interview. I think it's one you're going to find very useful and interesting And maybe I'll be back the week after that with yet another personal reflection. Tell me what you want. The future is yours, the future is freelance And it's what we make it. Thank you for listening to the Future is Freelance podcast. We appreciate your time and attention in a busy world and your busy life. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a fellow freelancer. Help us grow this movement of independent entrepreneurs. If you rate and review the Future is Freelance in whatever app you're listening to this right now or over at FutureisFreelancexyz, then that will help spread the word and help us reach more people who need to hear this message and join the conversation. Together, we can change the world and make sure the future is freelance. This is my middle miss, wishing you success and happiness in your enterprise until our next episode.